I Want to be a Liberal Vigilante

What makes me say "liberal," you ask? Well, let's review some vigilantes and superheroes, and you'll see what I mean.

First, an example of the real thing:

The Minutemen: This group of lovely right-minded people so strongly opposes illegal immigration that they take things into their own hands. I'm not entirely opposed to their mission, but I do feel that groups like this (Blackwater, for example) are prone to abusing their powers, and it's only a matter of time before something bad happens as a result.

Now, for the sci-fi and comic book type:

Iron Man aka Tony Stark: This guy was born rich, and became an industry leader at a young age. With a keen business sense, the first thing that he does is get involved in the Vietnam War to help our side. This sets him up to be a Republican, a defense contractor, and possibly a war profiteer.

Superman aka Clark Kent: Ok, come on now. Alien, so therefore you can associate him with Roswell and coverups. I'm already smelling a Republican. He was raised in a small town in Iowa, too? Oh, well now... So what's his day job? He's a reporter! I mean come on people, the liberal press just doesn't exist anymore! I wouldn't be surprised if the Daily Planet was owned by Rupert Murdoch!

The Punisher aka Frank Castle: C'mon people! Gun nut! You must know this guy has his NRA license tattooed into his arm or something. That, and he's in favor of the death penalty!

Ok, so, have I proved my point here? What I'm saying is that the liberals don't really have anybody cool on their side. So follow my reasoning:

Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Ted Stevens... These guys are all blatant criminals. And they're not even the worst of it. For perhaps the first time in history, there doesn't seem to be a good guy in the entire upper echelon of our government! Not even a Deep Throat of our time!

We need a new hero, someone who can rise to the challenge! Someone who is inherently good: A Liberal!

The Liberal will fight for truth, e-mail records, the Justice Department, and the American Flag! He'll use alternative transportation (c'mon, if Al Gore's son can do 100 in a Prius, surely we can come up with a great alternative transportation method for our hero!)! Power his secret lair entirely with geothermal energy (because after all, if it's a lair, it must be underground, so therefore is closer to the naturally warm core of the earth)! And he'll force the Truth from the evil Republicans!

His powers would be the ability to find lost e-mails, no matter how hard you've tried to lose them, see through deceptive media practices, locate billions in missing Iraqi Reconstruction funds, and reveal the truth behind the Cheney energy conferences!

Working names: The Liberal, Liberal Scum...

Ok, so, I need more creativity, and besides, "Cindy Sheehan" was taken.

Democratic Legislator Found to Have NORMAL Porn on USB Stick

From CNN:

A state legislator surprised a high school class when the computer he was using projected a photo of a nude woman during a lecture on how a bill becomes a law.

State Rep. Matthew Barrett (D) was giving a civics lesson Tuesday when he inserted a data memory stick into the school computer and the projected image of a topless woman appeared instead of the graphics presentation he had downloaded.

Ok, well, first of all, accounts describe him as reacting pretty surprised when this popped up, and he was able to maintain his composure when it happened, so somehow, I think a) he wasn't expecting it, and b) it's a pretty harmless thing.

I mean, sure, INTENTIONALLY showing porn to high schoolers (against their will, anyway) is one thing (many may have been underage, though it was a class of seniors), but an accident for which he may not have been at fault is completely another. I'm not saying to cut the guy off the hook, I'm just saying let's hear facts before we hear Fox.

Anyway, I just wanted to note that it's kind of interesting that even if this guy had a huge stash of his own porn, so far it seems that it was all legal aged and WOMEN. Not men. Not little boys. Not that I have a problem with gays, it's just that I have an issue with closet gays who bash open gays and then try to legislate their rights away ::coughFoleycoughCraig::.

In fact, it would appear that there weren't even any laws broken here! Not, say, preying upon underage children, or, say, lewd conduct, or any of that.

I'll just paraphrase Mr. Craig here: "I'm going to speak out for the citizens of my country, who in the majority think that Republicans are probably even nasty, bad, naughty boys."

Or old, out of touch, in the closet, white men...

Hiatus

To any of my friends and readers: I will be taking some time off from blogging. Keep an eye out for my eventual return.